Do you ever feel like you are standing in quick sand as a parent, sinking slowly as you try hard to do what is right? I feel that way a lot of the time with my kids. I want them to be happy and have great values and self esteem. I try to guide them without stymatizing them and I try very hard to keep all communication open. Sometimes though, no matter how many times you say things, how many times you try to guide them they make bad choices anyway!
I spent the weekend reevaulating my parenting, questioning myself and feeling downright miserable after my 18 year old son spent the night in jail for something just plain stupid. How did this happen? He graduated from High school with honors and is beginning college in just a couple of weeks. Where did this boy's head go? I cried and I fumed, I felt sick and devastated as well as disappointed and then sorrowful. It was quite the roller coaster ride. I finally came to terms with it all and just decided to dig in and do what I do best, be his mother. We are now dealing with his mistake and although I'm still shaking my head and feeling very confused to what he and his other friends, also very good kids decided on that night, well its all just hard to wrap your head around. Either way, its all going to work out, he will have to pay for his play and the price is steep. A very good learning lesson in that regard!
I just find it hard to accept that he made a bad choice being so smart, and having to get over the embarassment that I feel inside. I feel like somehow I failed as a parent, but then again, I can't always feel responsible for what he chooses as a new young adult. This new stage in our lives, this parent and young adult is a new phase. Very hard to find my footing with, but every day I wake up and try to accept it and learn from it. I know this will be a great learning lesson for me as my other two grow up and become adults. I think its much easier to be a mom when they are kids then when they are starting off into adulthood.
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